What to expect from your first coaching session
You’re curious about coaching, you think you MIGHT need it, but if you’re honest, you have no idea what to expect.
Each session tends to follow a similar format. Once you’re familiar with this, you’ll know exactly how it all works, but the very first time doing anything is daunting.
So here’s a rundown of how a first coaching session will likely go, so that you can go in feeling prepared and confident!
Before your coaching session
It’s unlikely you’ll dive straight into your very first coaching session totally unprepared. Your coach should be in touch with you before the first one to introduce what coaching is all about, share the way they work, and give you a heads up as to what to expect.
If they don’t offer this, ask them if it’s possible to jump on a call with them so that you can ask them any questions. It’s a better use of your time to spend the entire first session focused on actual coaching, rather than administrative things. There will always be a few admin bits and pieces to cover off, but getting the bulk of it out of the way prior will be more productive for you.
Before your first session, your coach might share some or all of the following:
An overview of what coaching is and isn’t, including how it differs from counselling, consulting or mentoring.
Ask about your situation and goals. If you’re unsure what you want to focus on, they might send you an introductory exercise to complete to help you get clearer with your thinking.
Draw up a coaching agreement outlining what you are agreeing to (i.e. X sessions at $X, the cancellation policy, a statement about confidentiality, and some other important things).
The first 5-10mins
Before the actual coaching happens, there are a few things that we as coaches need to cover off in every session. We’ll set the scene, confirm how long the session will be for, explain how confidentiality works, check you have everything you need, and ask for your permission to interrupt at any point.
Why do we do this?
Confirmation of time: Coaching is always future-focused, and every session will be designed to move you forward from where you are now towards your ideal outcome. Framing the time at the very beginning sets the expectation that we’re here to accomplish something, and will help keep things moving, so we don’t get too sidetracked by things that won’t help you move forward.
Confidentiality: Coaches who abide by the ICF’s Code of Ethics are obliged to maintain client confidentiality, and so we remind you about this up front as a way of reminding you it’s a safe, supportive environment where you can share anything risk- and judgement-free.
Checking if you have everything: Coaching requires deep thinking and can be mentally challenging. It’s much harder to focus if you’re uncomfortable or distracted. So we check at the start if you’ve got that glass of water, a pen and paper, and a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. This gives you a chance to go grab something or take one last toilet break before you get stuck in.
Permission to interrupt: You’ll be talking for most of the session. However, at certain points the coach may jump in to clarify a point or ask a question. Ultimately, we’re trying to get to the root cause of your particular issue so that we can start to address it. Asking your permission to jump in ahead of time makes it less rude when we do need to interrupt.
Getting to the root cause
Once the admin is covered off, we’ll ask you what you want to discuss. We might already know this if you’ve shared it previously, however we’ll always ask you to reconfirm as things can change.
We’ll then ask you powerful questions to get to the heart of what it is you are experiencing.
For example, let’s say you’re feeling frustrated about a situation at work earlier in the week. We’ll try to understand what specifically about that incident was frustrating, and where that frustration comes from.
There are all kinds of patterns and limiting beliefs that could be at play, and a lot of this is unconscious. Through active listening and powerful questioning we’ll get to the heart of what’s going on, bringing what’s in your unconscious mind to the surface, and making you aware of it (it sounds a bit like magic - and honestly, as someone who’s experienced coaching as a client, it really does feel that way!).
Here is where it can be common for the coach to interrupt you, as we try to clarify what you mean by certain phrases to ensure we understand what’s really going on.
Setting your ideal outcome
Next we’ll ask you to consider where you’re at right now compared to where you want to be.
Going back to the previous example, you might say you’re currently feeling a 9/10 on the frustration scale (i.e. incredibly frustrated), but you’d like to get to more of a 3/10 (i.e. mildly frustrated).
We’ll ask you to define your ideal outcome for the session. An outcome doesn’t have to be something huge, like shifting your entire perspective, or making a decision. If what you’re talking about is something you’ve been grappling with for quite some time (weeks, months, or even years), it will take longer than a single session to fully comprehend and address it. So an outcome for a one hour coaching session could look like:
“I want to feel less frustrated”
“I want to feel confident there is a way forward”
“I want to have some tools I can use next time I encounter this person at work.”
If you’ve got a complex issue you’re dealing with, you may find yourself setting two outcomes: one you’d like to achieve in the session you’re in, and one for what you’d like to achieve by the end of all the sessions you’ve booked.
There are no right or wrong outcomes, but the best ones are those that are achievable in the space of an hour. It also needs to be set by you, not by your coach. We won’t tell you what you should be doing. Instead, we will look to you to tell us where you want to go, and we’ll then help you get there. If you’re the driver, we’re on Google Maps support.
This is a way for us as the coach and you as the client to measure progress, as we can look back at where you were at earlier in a session, or several sessions ago, and see what’s changed.
Closing the gap
Once you’ve landed on your ideal outcome, it’s time to bridge the gap between this and where you’re at right now.
We’ll generally offer you an idea for a tool or exercise to work through during the session, which will help unpack your beliefs and ideas about the situation/issue. You’re allowed to say no and request something else, or to say you’d prefer to do it in your own time. However, you’ll get a lot of benefit out of working through these exercises with a coach.
I often start an exercise with a client during the session, and then offer a suggestion that they continue or go through it again in their own time so they can reflect without time pressure. What comes up during the session are initial thoughts and feelings, while what emerges after deeper, independent thinking are richer insights that build on what first came up.
This is the real “coaching” part of the session, and where the real work is. Be prepared to have your thinking challenged, to be asked some tricky questions, and to come to some new realisations.
Setting actions and accountability
Once we’ve worked through an exercise together, you’ll come to some new awareness about your situation, and it’s time to put some actions in place. Again, coaching is a future-focused process, so it’s all about moving forwards, and an action plan is a great way to ensure you don’t leave the session having simply had a great chat, but with practical steps you can implement right away.
As with the session outcome, you’ll set these actions yourself. Self-directed actions have been proven to be more effective than those imposed by others, as we tend to be more motivated to take actions we’ve set ourselves, as opposed to doing something because we’re told to.
You’ll also be asked who you’ll talk to about these action steps and what you plan to do. Telling someone what you’re planning to do makes it more real, and the knowledge they are likely to ask you about it later is extra motivation to complete the step.
These actions don’t have to be big. Sometimes tiny steps work best to begin with, to give you some momentum and motivation to continue.
Reflecting on the learnings
Finally, we’ll ask you what you learned from the session. This is your chance to reflect on the insights you’ve come to, revisit where you were at right at the start, and any progress you’ve made along the way.
We’ll ask if there’s anything else you want to share. If something does come up, we’ll make a note of it so we can focus on it at a later session. Otherwise, the session is all done!
Every coach has their own unique style. I follow the International Coaching Federation’s (ICF’s) framework, but some coaches adopt a slightly different approach. Your first session will also look different depending on the rapport you have with your coach, the topic you bring to the table, and other factors on the day. So no two sessions will be the same. What you can absolutely expect, however, is to have your thinking challenged, gain new perspectives, and learn something about yourself.
Note on images: All the images in this blog post are my own, taken from trips around Aotearoa (New Zealand) and Hawaii.